This could probably be the title of all my posts, lol. I suppose I don't have anything in particular to write about. My dad may get out of the hospital again today. My brother's wedding looms closer and closer. I'm back on reserve for July, which is sapping my will to live. The dogs are doing fine, though, I think one of my dog sitters is crazy. I was just out walking them when she rolled up beside me in her car and tried to shake me down for some more dog sitting days. Jeez. I'm leaving on another work trip soon, Lady! OK!?!

In friends' news, the man and I got to meet up with Mallory and Sean in Dallas, which was the good part about this god awful trip he needed to do to fix something for work. Buket passed her dissertation, which is no surprise, but wonderful just as well. The man of my life is still here and working away in the living room. If only this was more of an all the time thing and not just once a month or whatever. Other friends bought a house here in Charlotte. I can't wait until I have real-life friends that live in the same city I do! How novel! Also, a delicious new brewery opened this week right by my house. Just tried it out last night and I am very, very, very pleased with life right now.

This brewery might just get me through reserve life. It just might. Cheers.

Firstly, the Orlando mass shooting tragedy is just too much to even imagine. I am deeply saddened. I can't liken any of my small misfortunes to this event, but I will say this. Something is fucked up in the world right now. Some planetary alignment is making life shit.

My dad was taken back to the hospital AGAIN in an ambulance. Going round and round on the phone with different relatives and friends and finally with dad and his nurse has been trying. Cancer the gift that just never fucking goes away.

I'm feeling an overall level of discomfort with my life in general. It could be that spring fever I get most years where I just want to change everything. I've got to sit tight. I couldn't take any more though, and I had a little "talk" with the man in my life about our general direction and all. It's not a genie you can put back in the bottle. I need to be patient about that as well. Prayers, mantras and voodoo. I'm going to use it all.

Just as my horoscope predicted, the beginning of June was quite depressing for me. Yes- I know I sound insane and overly emotional, but this is my blog and I don't give a damn. There are a few aspects of my life which make me feel "lesser" about myself. After days of crying myself to sleep and feeling as if I were walking around in a heavy malaise of sadness, I suddenly snapped out of it. I have an idea. Well, I'm just going to make a suggestion, plant a seed.

In other news, I had a great couple trips with some good crews (still love my job) and am very, very pleased to work my first trip to Toronto starting tomorrow. OMG I'm so, so, so very happy we fly trips there now for CLT crews. This could majorly change my love life for the better.

On the flip side, it looks as though I'll be back on reserve for the month of July, which really fucks up my life. I'll figure out a way to deal with it, of course, but... it sucks.

I've also applied for some weird position our company created called "Image Advocate" We are rolling out our new uniforms this fall and I guess they are looking for cheerleaders to stand around in the crew room and get people excited about this?? Anyway, it pays money and I look awesome in uniform, so why not try?

Whether I get the job or not, I need to be my own advocate; love myself, not loose hope, try now to slide into these boughts of depression.

Over the last week, well really since I got back from Japan, its been work work work. I managed to have a long NYC layover for Memorial Day, which was fantastic as I got to hang around my friend Jackie from college. Every once and a while I get to have fun and forget that I'm actually working. Since then too, my anniversary has happened. My panning-genius man planned a Beyonce concert for us in Pittsburgh, baseball game in Charlotte and if all goes well he will be on my work flight tonight back to Pittsburgh. FUN!

Somewhere in all of this, I got some sort of crew alert that has me thinking about yellow fever and subsequent other vaccinations. Given the amount of different people I'm around all day, shouldn't I have ALL vaccinations. After this, I'm going to call the health department like a crazy person and try to get all these things done. Wish me luck!