October 22, 2011
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just say you miss me
I was five seconds into having the largest white-trash moment in a long time. The clerk behind the counter asked if he could help the panicked woman in a leather jacket (faux) with tear tracks on her face and bleary red eyes if she needed help finding anything.
That would be me. "Vodka!," I said, "where do you keep your Absolut Vodka?" (I am a sucker for advertising)
"Those are all behind the counter, Miss"
"Good, get me your smallest bottle of plain and uhm, sniff, I need to sign up for a new point card."
About fifteen minutes prior to this exchange I was waving goodbye to my friend's boyfriend from their porch. I just finally made it to visit. It had been...gosh....definitely over a month. I got a text earlier in the week that she had days, if not minutes, to live. Pancreatic cancer is a motherfucker.
A few vodkas-and-whatever-I-had-in-the-house later, I have the energy to make the rice, clean the stove and write a few words of reflection. I'm so glad I didn't go with the wine.
I had brought over some snacks for the house and family and went into her room to hold her hand and say a few things. She seemed pretty out of it, but she looked me in the eyes and I saw a glimmer of recognition. I know she is in there, trapped in her body wasted like a skeleton. All these wasting diseases this past year: Parkinson's, MS, Cancer! How much better would be the firing line?!
As with my Uncle...when you know each time you see this person could be the last and you really aren't sure what to say as you stand there awkwardly, heavily, by their bed....What do you say?? I just told her that I went to work that day and that we all missed her. I guess that is what I would want to hear. Just say you miss me.
Comments (2)
Yes, it has been a rough few years for you with all of the sunsets... Hang in there. And keep their memories alive in your heart and laughter.
@Saferia - Thanks. Along those lines, it is the 11th anniversary of one of my best friend's from high school's death today (this is the reason I'm usually hanging around the cemetery taking photos back in my hometown). I'm doing my best not to be debbie downer today-- I wore my Halloween costume to work. I'll have to post a photo on here later. It's pretty ridiculous.
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