"Running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears." -Pink Floyd
Oh shit! Why does a bad break-up that happened 10 years ago still continue to haunt and taint happy memories of my life today. NEVER, EVER, EVER date someone in your friends-group.
I've whined, cried and bitched about this situation before on xanga and this time I really pray that it is that last. I'm just going to have to be very, very brave, put on my big-girl panties and DEAL WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN.
re-cap: My friend, AR and I used to be SUPER close. That is, until she started dating her now-husband when I graduated and left for Japan. This guy (her now-husband) and I had a very, very, very bad break up my Jr. year of college. Same old story: best friend turns boyfriend then mysteriously stopped talking to me and told all our friends these really nasty lies about me (this is before I started dating lots of guys-- so I was still a good girl), I come back from a semester abroad and wonder if I have any friends left. It wrecked me for like a whole year. Then he started dating AR and she stopped talking to me (no-show at my wedding, etc etc etc). I lost two best friends on that deal and I don't even know what I did wrong or why.
NOW: The reason AR and I became so close is because we were both in Dance Company together in college. We spent hours together every day. AR and her husband and I have all these mutual friends-- so I keep finding out about their life even though I don't want to. I can't escape their haunting memory.
Now, one of my favorite people the whole world-- my ballet prof from college is getting married. The only other person I know who is invited to the wedding-- that's right. AR and husband. I won't even have Kyohei because he has to work and will not be making the trip to Ohio with me. I will be alone, staring at two people who are rich and happy, who I used to love, and now hate me. The hatred is kinda mutual.
I want to run and cry. I can't very well tell the only person I can think to confide in because she was not invited to the wedding- I think that will hurt her feelings. Should I just tell her anyway? I just wish I wasn't going there alone. At least I could talk about them in Japanese to Kyohei all night.... sigh. Never marry a chef.
What would you do?
