Yeah OK, I'm over that last bit of rational thinking and back to being possessed by the love devil.
Here's a thought: how do I let someone take care of me?
I've always earned my own money; it was like that in high school, it was like that in college, it was like that when I was married and after that was over. I guess I just resigned myself to accept the fact that even if I worked insane hours at as many jobs as I could have at once that I would always be just making enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. That I would always, for the rest of my life, be in debt and worry about money. That I would always support myself and then (terrifyingly) my parents.
Now there's a chance that it doesn't have to be that way, that someone wants it not to be that way. How do I do let this happen without feeling like a loser, a Dependant, a setback to my gender, a failure to the Protestant work ethic and a denier of the one and most important moral my mother ever instilled in me. In her life every man was on a sliding scale from complete abandonment to simply being utterly unreliable. "Never, never, Sarah, ever depend on any man to take care of you, even if you are married,even if its been years and you are sick, you have to take care of yourself. You'll end up desolate." If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I would never be desolate.
But now there's this possibility and I don't even know how to act. I've never seen this done! I've never entertained the idea. This is so far out of my paradigm that someone might as well have told me that I need to live in a world with no gravity. How do you even do anything??
