Month: February 2014

  • So over February

    I'm glad it is the shortest month. I guess it hasn't been all bad.

    First week: he was here. Despite getting called for a surprise 3 day trip and spending another night puking after I ate raw oysters, oh and getting into another no-boys-allowed tiff with the second roommate, our time together was good. It's always good-no, great. I saw the Falls again with him too on a BUF layover. A cruel irony that I actually seek out and TRY, really try to get BUF layovers now. Why couldn't he live in Florida with the rest of the cool kids?

    Week 2: That big storm hit the Carolinas and I was trapped in Ft. Lauderdale for two whole days. I know-- my life is so hard. Normally I would be in hog heaven, just a pig-in-shit over this kind of fortune. Getting paid to lay by the pool!? When I was supposed to be in PIT? When my own Conquistador happened to be in FLL too!? AMAZING. EXCEPT, I was supposed to be back at home working at the flowershop for Valentine's Day. The level of guilt and anxiety I was feeling because of this cannot be rationalized. I tried everything to get back there. I had to rent a car even to get to my apartment as all buses had stopped. There was no way I was going to trust my transport to some southern cabbie when I learned to drive in the snow either. After 2 rental cars, being #57 on the standby list to Orlando and pedal-to-the-medal racing, I arrived on Valentine's Day around 1pm to discover that the rest of the team was there until 5:30 the night before and the owner had to be ambulanced to the ER after a minor heart attack and severe dehydration (and stress?) Level of guilt rationalized. :( I was on duty three days after that (which means I'm supposed to be back in base in Charlotte), but I just really wanted to stay, so I gambled and won and was able to work three more days at the shop and see a lot of friends. It turned into a super week. I was really missing B, so it felt like my heart had healed a bit.

    Week 3: I went to London. I don't know how I managed to get this extra trip, but I did. Success. The plane was only 1/2 full both going and coming, so it was EASY and we had super long crew rest breaks. I watched 3 movies and napped and ate everything in site. Wonderful.

    Week 4 (present day): All 3 of my roommates were gone all week. All of them for 4 days. Odd and GREAT since I'm a burnt-out after roommate drama. My friend up the road, another flight attendant invited me along for a one-week pass to the YMCA. The Y here is super nice, btw. I've been working out like a mad dog all week. I'm so sore that I might not be able to lift my own suitcases onto the plane today. It has actually been pretty fun spending this much time with her. I start another 3 day trip I picked up this afternoon, then I'm off on my fantastic Florida vacation after that. Stay tuned.

    My shit-bird roommate moves out on the 7th and I am currently trying to find a replacement. Wish me luck. Until then, I stalk and stalk the trade board trying to get work. MUST.PAY.THE.RENT.

  • rights and responsibilities

    You have the responsibility to remain silent
    as everything you say can and will be used against you

    You have the responsibility to pay for your apartment
    if you cannot afford your own apartment,
    your life decisions will be dictated by your roommates

    After all I sacrificed to give us this place in Charlotte and all I do to maintain it-- this is where I am left. I don't even want to go there. I feel like a loser that has nothing to offer any visitor; no car, no shelter, no food. What is the point of even having an address at all? Will home always be just a place to escape from?

    "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." --J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye: last line

  • Just when I thought...

    ... it was already the worst, this happens. I feel like another Aquarius who likes to exclaim, "betrayal!"

    There is a thin, thin line between intervention and bullying.

    My inner-awareness narrative has become tiresomely Old-Testament-like.

    Luckily, there are still some allies out there. I wonder if I can count myself among them?

February 2014
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