January 30, 2014

• Dark

  Things have been dark.

  Right before my birthday, I got sick, really sick and couldn't do much of anything for 3-4 days. I guess I did sleep and catch up on The Walking Dead, but I missed my birthday party. On my actually birthday, Sunday, I had picked up an extra trip for some more cash. I ended up doing first class for the first time. Maybe it was because I was already feeling a bit weak and undervalued in other parts of my life, but I think working first class made me feel even worse--like a servant. I had a long layover and wanted to go see the Hunger Games movie, but felt it might be depressing to see a movie alone and frivolous to spend $10 on myself. My paramour calls on my bday and tells me about this amazing new thing he got for--another woman. A friend uses my name in a rumor to hurt another friend. I guess I'm acceptable collateral damage now? Who does one trust these days?

  Self worth plummeting. "Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!" I hear the autopilot bleep from the cockpit. I don't know how.

  I feel like everything is such a hassle. Been dealing with the cable co. all day just to get internet because I downgraded my service trying to save $. Someone bitched me out on ebay because one of the books I'm selling to try to buy groceries got lost in the mail. I'm still too much of a coward to tell my Aunt that I got divorced.

  I countdown 4 more days until the next round of roommate stress-drama starts. God I could loose a roommate and rent money. Wish me luck! I feel like I'm barely making it, hanging by a thread.

  • 9:44 pm
  • 4 Comments