June 8, 2013
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"It's not much of a life you're living, it's not something you take, it's given"
...I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Sometimes this job is like being on a vacation alone that you didn't plan and have no control over. I spent the morning rushing to the airport in Charlotte, then laying around by the pool in Phoenix and the afternoon sleeping and crying. I should be sleeping now, but I've never been able to nap when the sun goes down. I can sleep all day, but as soon as the lights go out--I'm ON. Some sort of nocturnal hangover from my cavewoman days, no doubt. So I have another 2 hours to kill before I work the red-eye to... where? Oh yeah, St. Louis. Who gives a shit about St. Louis? See-- I'm being negative right now. God help the first passenger who complains about the cabin temperature tonight.
I fly around and around and around hoping that one of the stops will be bring me to the one. Tonight I got close, too close. Within hours, within 18 miles. I couldn't hide my disappointment this time. It was probably a mistake to show my emotions.
I'm starting to think that it might be impossible for me to have a happy romantic relationship. Who can take me seriously with this insanely unpredictable schedule ? Indeed, who was taking me seriously before? Also, now that I can almost go anywhere to meet someone, is it wrong to still want someone who will come to me? At least half way? At least occasionally?
Comments (1)
=( Hope I didn't wake you with the text. Just wanted you to know you're well thought of. It sounds like homesickness/life adjustment to something drastically new/culture shock. YOu lived in Japan, have traveled by yourself (including across Japan to visit shrines- walking!), and made some some incredibly difficult career and life choices these past few years. You can do it! You looked so happy (and snazzy) in your Airline Grad photos! Adjustment will take time, and probably experience so that you can get on your ideal schedule. Many stewards/stewardesses have families and loved ones. You'll meet someone that loves to travel and will be with you in your disembarking cities as much as possible!
Hang in there! Things are rough now, but there's a silver lining. And there's always Hump Day beer, and Friday after work beer. And cake. You must have cake. =) <3
Wishing you all of the best, no colicky babies, and great passengers this week!
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