"It's not much of a life you're living, it's not something you take, it's given"

 ...I'm not really sure how to feel about it.  Sometimes this job is like being on a vacation alone that you didn't plan and have no control over.  I spent the morning rushing to the airport in Charlotte, then laying around by the pool in Phoenix and the afternoon sleeping and crying.  I should be sleeping now, but I've never been able to nap when the sun goes down.  I can sleep all day, but as soon as the lights go out--I'm ON.  Some sort of nocturnal hangover from my cavewoman days, no doubt.  So I have another 2 hours to kill before I work the red-eye to... where?  Oh yeah, St. Louis.  Who gives a shit about St. Louis?  See-- I'm being negative right now.  God help the first passenger who complains about the cabin temperature tonight. 

I fly around and around and around hoping that one of the stops will be bring me to the one.  Tonight I got close, too close.  Within hours, within 18 miles.  I couldn't hide my disappointment this time.  It was probably a mistake to show my emotions. 

I'm starting to think that it might be impossible for me to have a happy romantic relationship.  Who can take me seriously with this insanely unpredictable schedule ?  Indeed, who was taking me seriously before? Also, now that I can almost go anywhere to meet someone, is it wrong to still want someone who will come to me?  At least half way? At least occasionally?